What if this is where God has me?

This week I am entering college again.  I know lots of people do this and it is not a new phenomenon but for me I am a mom, almost 40 and sitting in class with kids half my age.  I am walking onto a state college campus, a melting pot for all viewpoints and people.

When I was in high school I knew where I wanted to go to college and when I stepped on the campus of BBC I felt at home.  I knew a lot of people there and a place that was familiar to me.  It was a safe little Christian college not far from home where everyone dressed like me, talked like me, and believed like me.

Tuesday, when I stepped on the campus of SUNY Adirondack I looked more like the parents that were there than the students.  I knew no one.  I didn't even know my way around.  I felt lost.  That is not a familiar place to me.  I am usually the social one but I froze up.

This is a place I have never been.  I have been in my safe and comfortable world for a long time.  I am now going to be walking through places that will challenge all that I believe and at times be directly opposed to it.  I am far from the environment I grew up it where you just stood strong on your viewpoint no matter what and looked down on anyone who did not agree with you.

Now I wrestle with what it will look like to live in grace and love in the midst of these challenges.  I know I will not be deterred from what I hold as truth but how do I present it in a way that does not shove it in people's face but is unwavering?  What does salt and light look like in this situation?

You see, I was one of those kids in high school.  I judged others and had a self righteous attitude.  I don't want to be like that.  But, my past creeps into my head with things like, "Don't be an undercover Christian" and "Stand for the truth" but my heart wrestles with "Love your neighbor as yourself" and "Let us not love in word and in tongue but in deed and in truth."

My first assignment for American Lit. is to read and discuss Walt Whitman.  The additional reading is all about his sexuality.  I face an online class with a discussion board and pray that I can show love and grace.