What I Know Something About Part 2

I wrote this awhile ago to describe what it feels like when it comes


Storms Rolling In

He sees the clouds in the distance before I even notice the dimming of the sun.  He is not sure what it is but it is a warning that I have been too busy to notice.  As my husband of ten years he has seen these storms roll in before but each time it is still unique and unpredictable.

It does not make a reservation but blows in to stay as long as it seems fit.  This storm has a character all it's own.  It seeps in unexpectedly but I a familiar with it's touch and as soon as it begins to grip my heart and the cold winds begin to chill my soul, I know it has returned.

There is no keeping it out.  It is fickle in it's behavior but stalwart in it's dominion.  It takes hold of my heart and squeezes until the weight of a thousand tons of bricks makes my soul ache.  It squeezes out the light with it's dark clouds and doses my joy with drenching rains.  Sometimes it's grip seems stronger than before but it is always there.

I have learned to breath through this storm as through the pains of giving birth, but the battle at times is wrenchingly hard.  I function but my heart does not dance.  I fight to not allow it to overshadow my hope.  I grasp onto the truths I know and grip it white knuckles as my lifeline.  

Like a turtle, I long to draw inside myself, into the protective shell of my soul to weather it alone.  I pull away from human touch, afraid that it will break the dam holding back my deep, dark sorrow.  Yet I long to sit and sob gut wrenching cries hoping it will somehow release me from this weight.

These storms have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.  Each time I weather one I discover I am stronger.  I have learned how to keep my head from going under the sweeping waves.  I have stopped longing for peaceful waters the rest of my life, and instead have learned how to ride out the waves like an experienced surfer.  

It does not draw me so deeply into it's darkness I cannot function.  I have learned to carry the weight of it through each day.  I know when it goes it will not be the last time I see it.  But I know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep me safe!