I've gotten the question twice from my mom, "I read your blog post, are you alright?" I told her, "If I wasn't, I would not be blogging about it."
So why bring up such a depressing subject (yes, pun intended)? Because I truly believe there has not been enough of a voice for those who struggle with it, especially in Christian circles. I have met many who have diagnosis of OCD or Depression Issues who do not feel as if they can talk about it. I want to be a voice to help people feel like they can.
I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia when I was 19 years old. Basically it is a mild form of bi-polar that caused me to go, go, go and then crash. I have had medicine to regulate it since then and have learned to deal with the down times. It was not always easy and I questioned God a lot. I felt like I wasn't a good Christian and that I should just have faith to get over it.
What I have is a chemical imbalance. It is a medical issue. There is a chemical missing in between the neurons in my brain. God chose to make me this way. At times it seemed like a thorn in my flesh but I have learned to accept it and want to now be a voice for those who struggle.
I am afraid we tend to look at people with these type of labels as crazy and are afraid they are going to go out of control and any time. Yes, it is important that they have counseling and be monitored by their doctor, but with help and medication they can learn to function better than just ok.
I have learned my limits, when I need to say no, when I need to take it easy, and when I need to open up. Does that mean I will never have any problems? No. It just means God has helped me accept how He made me and has brought along great people in my life who understand me, and medicine that keeps me balanced.
To be honest, I was inspired by a group of articles a guy I know from college published about mental illness and was challenged to be open about my struggle. I realize that it is a risk, that people may misjudge me or misunderstand. But, I believe God has given me this challenge in my life to help others who struggle.
I am someone who has been molded and shaped through the many paths and places I have walked...I have seen little and much...I believe but struggle to have faith...I desire to know God but still at times run from him...I desire life but at times lack the bravery to chase after it...I am me but all that that entails is still a mystery.
3 comments:
Joe, huh?
Yup.
I'm amazed at how much my depression has been relieved by living in the south. Seasonal Affective Disorder became really real to me when I realized how much better I could feel.
Thank goodness for modern meds and the access to them!
I will be honest, depression is one of the hardest things for me to accept as a real and valid disorder. And I think I feel this way because of the major impact my mothers Bipolar disorder has had on my life.
I sometimes think I rarely see the chemical imbalance and see more of just sinful selfishness in her heart. Unfortunately this is why it is so hard for me. I see you and others that struggle but struggle in a godly way and then I see my mother and I'm left thinking that the extent of the depression has nothing to do with imbalance but with how one deals with that imbalance.
I have tried to do research after research, and I've read and spoken to so many on the issue and yet my heart still has a long way to go.
My mothers issues though are more than just bipolar its a combination of mental issues, and sin issues, mixed in between. It is so difficult for me.
I would be interested in reading those articles on mental issues.
I have been told in the past by a pastor, that depression is sin. Depression is a chemical imbalance. Much like our genetics, it is what it is, and cannot be changed. Therapy can help. Medication can help. Neuro feedback can help. But God is still the ultimate healer and helper through it all.
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