I am someone who has been molded and shaped through the many paths and places I have walked...I have seen little and much...I believe but struggle to have faith...I desire to know God but still at times run from him...I desire life but at times lack the bravery to chase after it...I am me but all that that entails is still a mystery.
Thursday, January 05, 2012
The Dessert
I am sitting here listening to Jason Grey's "Remind Me Who I Am", I have honestly been feeling like I can't keep my head above water. I feel like I just get on top of things and there are ten more things piled up behind me. I have struggled to even put to words what has been going on because I don't feel like I've had time to feel or think. It feels a lot like a desert. It is dry, I am parched, and the only thing I know to do is keep trudging along.
I usually try to take time in the new year to think back on the year before. As I did this, I honestly had a hard time finding how the year had been so wonderful. Yes, there had been some moments of sunshine but as I reflected I realized it had been a much rougher year than I realized.
Last year we were hit with multiple health issues. We found out Emma had a heart problem as well and went through her surgery, it was confirmed that Jack had alopeica, and in December we found out I have ulcerative colitis. Kevin jokingly said it is now his turn...I disagree. Mom also has been struggling with high blood pressure and has had mutliple appointments to try and figure out what is causing it.
We also experienced loss in various ways. Some of it was the loss of some dreams. Other losses were family, my Grandfather passed away this summer and Kevin's aunt this fall.
On top of all of this I have a preschooler and a toddler who are both very active and verbal and we ended up doing a lot of traveling. As I looked over all of it, I realized..."wow, no wonder I am exhausted."
I am grateful for many things this last year. My brother became a daddy as the first Warner namesake was born. Jude is a sweetie and I can't wait to meet him in person. My Aunt and Uncle and their family were able to come up to the Adirondacks to visit and it was so much fun to have them here! We also had a visit from Kayli and Liese and it blessed my heart.
In the midst of all the reflecting, I have been able to refocus and find rest in knowing that though the desert at times feels lonely, I am never alone. I just need to be reminded of who I am.
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4 comments:
You have certainly had a year for your history book...We know how painful and frustrating Ulcerative Colitis can be as Carl has been hospitalized and everything over it...no fun at all. I hope and pray that this new year will be better but that most importantly you will keep remembering who you are. Love and miss you.
Thanks! It has been a crazy year but I really feel like I'm starting to see the light in the midst of the storm. Is there anything that has helped carl deal with his Colitis? I'd love any tips you guys have learned since I am at the beginning stages.
Oh Amy I know how you feel with things piling up. You certainly have had a trying year but you're such an amazing woman of God and you've had faith & trust in God through it all. I admire and appreciate you so much, I wish we could see more of each other. Praying for you and the fam. love you.
Sorry I just saw your question, I think I answered it in the email I sent you.
Mostly he avoids spicy foods, lettuce, whole grains, greasy foods, anything "high in Fiber" believe it or not fiber will actually make your symptoms worse. Before he was diagnosed he ate mini wheats all the time because he thought the fiber would help his digestive system feel better. and then we learned that all the extra fiber was making it a lot worse.
He eats a lot of "white" flour and grains. So white rice instead of wheat rice, white bread instead of wheat bread ect. He also stays away from Lettuce, and other "greeny" type vegetable as those actually make it worse on him as well. It's so frustrating because the things that we are "taught" to eat and our healthy for us actually are harmful for him if he has too much of it. So he very rarely eats lettuce because it's not worth it to him anymore.
Sweet Peas are good though and so are cooked carrots, but he doesn't eat corn very often either.
And as I said in the email. He has been drinking a nutritional shake and that has helped him a ton. Becuase the shake delivers the nutrients straight to the colon making it easy to absorb. But even with those often have fiber so he drinks those but then makes sure he doesn't take in more fiber elsewhere.
That's a lot huh?
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