I filled the washer and then discovered the fabric softner ball was at the bottom.
I picked up the cups laying around the house (how can one man use so many in one day?)
I did the dishes again
I picked up clothes laying on the floor left 2 inches from the hamper
I tried to come up with another exciting or at least decent meal
We scheduled more visits with people from the church
Sometimes I look at my life and all I feel is mundane. I know it will continue and escalate with children. I feel like I miss the huge variety in teaching and connecting with students. I struggle with my identity being a pastor's wife and wondering if I'm living up to expectations. I am constantly tired and my stomach is off on top of it all and yet I feel lazy and think...how would I do this if I already had other children. Then...I read my bible and wrestle over all these thoughts and hope I am making a little progress.
I am someone who has been molded and shaped through the many paths and places I have walked...I have seen little and much...I believe but struggle to have faith...I desire to know God but still at times run from him...I desire life but at times lack the bravery to chase after it...I am me but all that that entails is still a mystery.
4 comments:
Oh honey...I know. What you feel is SO normal.
It might be melodramatic, but I like to imagine I'm a pioneer woman...I don't know why, but it always helps me. I wear an apron...it's my own little drama.
When you have the baby, you'll be exhausted in a different way and you'll have a rhythm that you will work within because the baby makes you...don't feel guilty for not doing enough. Enjoy these last few months that you can call your time your own. Enjoy it...dink around....waste time....you won't get to do that again for awhile.
You are a great pastor's wife. You are hospitable, you take good care of your husband and parsonage, and you are growing a new church member!!! What more could anyone expect of you?
thanks...sometimes you just need a perspective outside the four walls of the house. I grew up in a family of drivers and a ministry brat and it's still at times hard to break the mental mold I feel. It's just nice to know I'm "normal" and not alone.
Especially when my husband in a loving way is confused and says "I thought this is what you wanted"
oh yeah, we had that conversation.
about 20 times.
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