The Red Dot

I don't know who has read the Papa Prayer but in it he refers to the red dot...you are here. We'll I'm sitting down to acknowledge where I am right now. Let me start out with what went on this last week.

Monday I was able to hang out with a lady from the church and then we had our kids program. It was about 5 before we finally got home and 15 minutes later we received a phone call that one of the men from our church went to the hospital b/c he was throwing up blood. We headed down to Glens Falls (the nearest hospital - about 20 minutes away) and spent that night and the next day sitting with the family as they learned his stomach was one large tumor and after 7 hours of surgery he ended up with a sort of gastric bypass. It was a blessing to be there for them but also emotionally draining. Tuesday night I noticed some spotting.

Wednesday we finally got our big snow storm - 2 feet. My husband was so excited but I wasn't feeling wells still. We both were so tired we slept through dinner and ended up having our Valentines Day dinner the next day.

Well, the spotting continued on and off and i called the dr. She gave me some antibiotic for it being a UTI. So, I'm waiting to see if it will help and if not I am going to call again and go see the dr. My problem has been more the mental strain. I wake up in the middle of the night begging God to keep the baby healthy. I am at times paralyzed by the fear of another miscarriage. Kevin, being tired, made a not so smart comment yesterday that threw me into a good crying spell. And I have been trying to lay low and not do much because of it but I see all the things around me that need to be done.

So, I didn't go to church today so that I could just take it easy. So, like boykin's teaching us about Jacob...I got in the ring with God. I told him that if he is the one who is knitting this baby together why can't he knit it so it stays and is healthy. I bargained, I pleaded, I question, and then I listened. I let the truths I know challange me. My white flag is waving and I have to trust His plans. He will give me the grace to face either situation. But, I am still a little sad and a little scared. So, I just keep talking to Him and reminding myself of his truths. I also ask for you prayers.